Well, M has made his way out here and has been living with me for a week. And I have been keeping things up with Q as well. Dang, I really hate this. I have discovered that I can not do this multiple relationship thing. Dating is easy to do, there is no commitment, but relationships are fucking hard and not worth the worry and trouble. So here is what sucks.
I could probably do this if M did not live with me, plus not to mention Q has a key. This all happened before I though M was coming out here, Q works late hours (bartender) and when he gets off he comes over to my place. I am normally asleep (ok you got me, passed out) and it is normally easier for him to come over and spend the night. I have not been drinking lately to avoid this problem. Which leads me to explaining to M that I am going out to pick up my "girl" friend at the bar and then staying the night at "her" house because I am to tired to drive back. Its just getting to complicated and annoying.
I hate living with someone. I never realized it until now. I want to come home and do what ever I want and not have to explain anything. I don't want to explain where I am at, where I am going, what I am doing. For christ sakes its just too much. I hate having to separate things, like space in a closet, room in the bathroom. Not what I was imagining. Plus M is home all day trying to work on getting a job and so there is no time to sneak home and do anything. Which brings up this...Is there anything that you don't do in front of your significant other?
I think I like Q more then I like M. With M I feel like I have to entertain him all the time, partially because he is at my house and does not have a job yet. But with Q its just simple uncomplicated and relaxing. We can just be. I can sit around and read my book while he plays video games. With M I feel like we have to do the same thing the other person is doing (again it might be that we live together). Plus I like cuddling with Q, and I am not a cuddler. And M likes to cuddle but I just can't seem to get into it, might be the whole dating two guys thing.
But, what really sucks is none of this matters, M lives with me. I can't chose Q and expect M to just vanish. So tonight I am going to go and break up with Q (its just not fair to him, or me, or M). One thing I have realized I fucking hate relationships they are too hard and too complicated.