An Update on Q and M

Well, M has made his way out here and has been living with me for a week. And I have been keeping things up with Q as well. Dang, I really hate this. I have discovered that I can not do this multiple relationship thing. Dating is easy to do, there is no commitment, but relationships are fucking hard and not worth the worry and trouble. So here is what sucks.

I could probably do this if M did not live with me, plus not to mention Q has a key. This all happened before I though M was coming out here, Q works late hours (bartender) and when he gets off he comes over to my place. I am normally asleep (ok you got me, passed out) and it is normally easier for him to come over and spend the night. I have not been drinking lately to avoid this problem. Which leads me to explaining to M that I am going out to pick up my "girl" friend at the bar and then staying the night at "her" house because I am to tired to drive back. Its just getting to complicated and annoying.

I hate living with someone. I never realized it until now. I want to come home and do what ever I want and not have to explain anything. I don't want to explain where I am at, where I am going, what I am doing. For christ sakes its just too much. I hate having to separate things, like space in a closet, room in the bathroom. Not what I was imagining. Plus M is home all day trying to work on getting a job and so there is no time to sneak home and do anything. Which brings up this...Is there anything that you don't do in front of your significant other?

I think I like Q more then I like M. With M I feel like I have to entertain him all the time, partially because he is at my house and does not have a job yet. But with Q its just simple uncomplicated and relaxing. We can just be. I can sit around and read my book while he plays video games. With M I feel like we have to do the same thing the other person is doing (again it might be that we live together). Plus I like cuddling with Q, and I am not a cuddler. And M likes to cuddle but I just can't seem to get into it, might be the whole dating two guys thing.

But, what really sucks is none of this matters, M lives with me. I can't chose Q and expect M to just vanish. So tonight I am going to go and break up with Q (its just not fair to him, or me, or M). One thing I have realized I fucking hate relationships they are too hard and too complicated.

Q and I

So it finnaly happened....Q and I had sex. And while I want to write a lovely post about how great and pleasing it was, I can't *sigh*. I don't know where to start. I am not saying it was bad, but it was extremely akward. I learned a lot about him, it may also not of helped that we were both pretty drunk. I think if we had not been drinking nothing would of happened. So here is what I learned.....

1. He does not like to be naked....that kind of sucks during sex if you ask me. He kept everything on except for his pants, which kind of have to go during sex. On the other side I am a bit of an nuddist, I love to be naked, and if I could I would be naked all the time. Not saying that he complains, I always strip down the minute I get to his house and I think he likes it that way.

2. For some reason he likes to have "funny" sex....funny to me is the kind where yes your are having sex but you tend to make fun of it. You make stupid animal sounds, like a growl or something. You tickle and make the other person laugh. While this is fun every once and a while, maybe not all the time (although I can't say he does it all the time because we only had sex once, but it seems that way). Yea well lets just say he was making fart noises on my stomach for about 30 minutes, and while it was cute at first it got old fast.

3. He got really emotional after ward.....now while some of it is to blame on the alchol some of I do not. I am not talking about the cute kind where you snuggle and talk (which I also do not prefer but can deal with). It was more like a combination of "I really don't like having sex this early" coupled with "Don't hurt me like my last couple of girl friends." Which just makes you feel like you made a mistake and should of waited.

4. It seems that it is not going to happen again for a while....*sigh* now I can hold out if I have meet the person and not had sex with them, but when you have had sex with them what is the point of stoping again. Blah, you see dear readers as much as I hate to say it sex complicates things. I almost wish that it was just like a normal act, like shaking hands, now wouldn't that be fun.

Well that all kind of sucked there were some good things.

1. I got laid....*happy dance* it had been way to long and felt really good to be filled with a hard cock. After awhile masterbation just doesn't seem to do it anymore.

2. Our relationship became a little more perminate....hoping I can work out this M thing.

3. He is somewhat dominate...not truly dominate but he likes to be in charge, likes to spank, and likes to choke *big smile*.

4. Did I mention I got laid?

Well there you have it and heres to hopping I can write a really good post about a really great time *fingers crossed*.

So I have screwed myself.

I am sitting here kicking my self in the ass. As I had mentioned earlier M was coming out here to live with me. Well, I called him and told him to hold off on booking his ticket and told him that I might have to go home (GA) to take care of some family things.Though that was not the case, I just didn't want to tell him that I had meet someone else (no point in hurting him, right?) Well he went ahead and booked it....

Everything with Q is going so well and now I have this other guy coming out here to live with me. I told Q about it, before M had a plane ticket, and told him that I was going to tell the M not to come. Now he is coming and I am so screwed. Why don't people listen? I kind of find it irritating and rude that M didn't listen. Makes me wonder.

A little more on Q

So not sure what I am doing, but Q and I have really hit it off. He is even coming over for Christmas dinner to meet the family. Holy crap what am I doing, I guess I will have to figure that out when the time comes.

As I mentioned earlier, Q and I have decided to refrain from sex. I know, I know what you are thinking, but I think it might be a good thing (ok so I think its a good and bad thing, you got me). We have spent almost every night together except for one. We sleep naked (I hate clothing). We stay up till about 4 every morning talking and watching stupid you tube videos. Every morning we wake up (I need a night job so that I can sleep in on the mornings) and just lay around and cuddle. The more I wright this the more it seems like we are high school kids that have parents that trust us and know we won't have sex.

So this all leads me to this point.... I don't think that I can wait much longer. It's killing me. I have had sex on a regular basis for 9 years now. The longest I think that I have ever gone is maybe a month, and that was because I was severely depressed not because I couldn't get it.
I am at the point of just jumping him and tying him down (wow that brought a memory to mind, another post I promise). I have no clue. I know that he wants to wait and make sure that things are good between us, but honestly I really don't believe that bull crap.

Guys, when a girl says this to you, what is your response? I just don't get it. What if after a few months and lots of time and care of the relationship, the sex ends up being really really bad? Do you walk away? Do you try and work on it? I fully believe that sexual compatibility happens the first time and that working on it will never work. What do you think? Should I grab my silk ropes or wait?

A Little bit of an update....

Thanks for all you comments and I just want to clarify a few things. First, yes the first time is not always mind blowing but you know if you mesh or not. I know that I am not going to see fireworks, but I will know if I am rolling my eyes and hating every minute. Second, no sex is not the only thing to a relationship, but it is healthy to the relationship. Most relationships end because of the lack of or quality. Everything between Q and I is great, just no sex. It just seems a little odd.

Very Busy Weekend

Enters in Q, stage left of coarse. How can I put how this happened, I am still trying to figure it out. Well, I normally spend my Sunday nights at a goth club. I know, I know, no I am not really goth, I just enjoy getting dressed up (it's like halloween every week) in what ever I want to wear and head down to dance among new friends. I tend to just dance and drink and then go home, not much to it. If you ever wondered, they are actually some of the nicest people I have ever met, you should really try it out sometime.

So there I am dancing (this is not one of those bump and grind clubs, its more solo move to the music) and all the sudden I feel two hands wrap onto my hips. I assume it is someone I know because no one at the club would come up and do this. I turn around and have no clue who the fuck this guy is, I am stunned. He just lets go and walks away. I take a minute to look around confused, seeking for some explanation in the crowd, nothing. Q realizes the look on my face and ask if I knew that guy, I explain to him that I didn't and ask if he did, nope still nothing on the hip bandit mystery.

That is when Q and I kind of hit it off, he sees that my drink is almost empty and ask if I would like another, um duh. Off we go to get more wasted.

So I will take a minute and explain him to you (by the way I totally fall for emo or goth guys, don't ask me why). He is 6 foot 4 to my 5 foot exact (I know I am tiny), Black hair with two orange stripes down the side (I guess I like this look because it means they have balls and don't care) His pants are hand made almost looking like something out of "A nightmare before Christmas" Orange eyes (make-up) another thing I find wildly attractive (still have no idea why) and black finger nail polish (hey we matched).

We hit it off, and end up going to a place for after hours, about two blocks away from my house. We sit around with the owner and drink and talk and drink and talk, I know we are so creative. Then the night is at a end, and where else better to go? My place!!! We end up back, but realizing its 5am on a Sunday and I am drunk and have to work (damn it, this is going to suck) we crash with nothing but our under ware on.

Wouldn't you just guess what happened, I slept in and was going to be late for work. I decide this hangover and the fact that I was still drunk was just too much to bear at work. I called out. Then Q and I decided that we still needed to get to know each other and also nurse our crappy hangovers. We head back to his place (this way his car won't get a ticket in the city). We hang out all day in bed, got some egg nogg and rum, and chatted the night away. He said that he normally doesn't meet new people like this (yea right) and that he was glad that he met me. We finally get back to sleep around 4am (damn tomorrow is going to suck). We decide that having sex right now is not a good thing and that maybe we should wait (Also M is going to be coming back soon and I really don't want to start a relationship). But if anything I think that we could be really good friends (naked friends even).